Wednesday, April 22, 2009
OK so I tend to be a little pessimistic some times, but this week has been unusually cruddy! Its in the high 90's and our Air conditioner went out- 2 months after the warranty was up of course. the brakes on my wife's car decides now was the time to go out. I get a phone call the other day that caught me off guard, where I came away feeling like I was a total moron because of some decisions I made that I though were correct, and then I found out just a few minutes later that one of the most productive ministries we have in cultivating community has been axed. Pretty uplifting stuff huh? There's more but I have to stop now before this becomes a habit.
Here is where it comes out: I am pretty much a "control freak" when it comes right down to it. Hidden behind this usually smiling face and apparent gentle spirit is a ugly selfish complex rearing its ugly head.
I don't like it when I am not in control of a situation, and if I cant fix it and make it right it drives me absolutely crazy.
I guess this rant is more of a confession, to myself and to God that I need help. He is the only one who can control this mess of a thing I call my life.
So once again, Lord I resign. And place you in Charge. No seriously.... I think.
"My God shall supply all your needs."
Once again, not teaching, just trying to pound some truth into this thick skull of mine.
"Be anxious for nothing, but everything by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known to God."
-Lord help me get rid of my anxious spirit and enjoy the time you have set aside for us...
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I haven't been writing much lately, this picture pretty much encapsulates how I have been feeling. I really need to get some order ack in my life. I need to need how to say the word "NO" to many things, so I can say "Yes" to the things of eternal significance. All that being said I am having the time of my life but probably am missing out on some things do to the frantic pace I have allowed myself to be ruled by.
I need to have a day at the beach and ready the book of ecclesiastes a few times through!!!
Have a blessed day.
Friday, April 3, 2009
I have had a little too many funerals lately. One is too many. What is really hard is too see what is left behind when when a person exits this life prematurely. The thing I have had a real hard time with is comprehending Gods timing. I know God is good and just, but my humanness cannot make sense of a family left without a mother, a young child without a father and a family left without their baby. The thing is that is helping me get through these thoughts, struggles and doubts, is coming to the point that I don't think God intends for me to understand them. One of my favorite quotes comes from Louie Giglio, who says that when we don't understand God we need to realize that he "paints on a canvas bigger than we can see."
According to our human capacity we are all entitled to live a long pain free life, and many will argue that if this is not the case God either doesn't exist or he doesn't care.
What I do know about God is that he is good and he is just and he will get glory out of any situation... but my mind still refuses to get it. That is where faith steps in.
Anyway this isn't some sort of post where I get it and have it all figured out, it is actually me just confessing my weakness, and my inability to understand. So if this sounds confusing and scattered, I am!
So I take my thoughts, my doubts, my lack of understanding- and when I match them up with the amazingness of who God is, and his track record versus mine. I am gonna go with him even though I don't have him wrapped up in a nice little theological box.
That being said, I am done with funerals, bring on the baptisms, baby dedications and weddings. but should death knock close to home again, I will continue to share the hope that is found in the person of Jesus Christ.
Have an amazing day, and my your and my doubt be turned into hope and peace!