“I was just kidding”. How many times have we used that phrase shortly after hurting someone’s feelings? Well, being the joking type of person, I’ve found that I need those words more often than I’d like. I guess the problem is knowing when and with who you can joke around with. Or maybe it’s what you can joke around about. Or maybe it’s all about timing? Well, I don’t know all the answers to this, but I have learned a few things about it lately. The lesson for me started a few weeks ago when I made a comment during a conversation that hurt the feelings of someone I cared about. Now I was really “just kidding” when I said it, so in my mind I couldn’t understand what the problem was. Why is it that something could be funny to me and not to everyone? I guess that’s the question.
So what do I do now? I could dismiss the whole thing based on a lack of a “sense of humor” on the part of the offended person….that would be the easy way. (I like that one.) I could just wait for them to “get over it” and forget it ever happened. (That might work!) Or I could try to figure out where I went wrong and learn to avoid the situation in the future. (That sounds too hard.) Well, I chose the last one. So I’m sitting here after the phone conversation that opened my eyes to the problem thinking, “what do I do now?” I thought maybe I could turn on some worship music. That would make “me” feel better. That wasn’t the answer, so I turned on my computer and went to a website for Andy Stanley’s church (Northpoint Church), seeking to watch a sermon…any sermon. T
he website had changed a little since I had been on it last, so I was maneuvering my way to the sermon list, and when I found it, right there, on the very top of the list, was a sermon titled “Beware of Mouth”. It was one of those “you got to be kidding me God” moments for me as I asked God if this is what He had for me.So I clicked on the sermon and for 45 minutes sat squirming in my chair as the Lord convicted me through the words I was hearing. I almost turned it off a couple times, but I knew God was sending me a message, and that I should listen. For anybody who has sat in church and felt like the pastor was speaking straight to them, and looking right at them, you know how I was feeling. I was so thankful for that sermon mesage. (Just kidding) Well let’s just say I learned a lot from it, but the lesson wasn’t over yet. I called my daughter later and was talking to her about what happened and she immediately told me how mean what I said was, and it didn’t matter if I was just kidding around. I could actually hear the pain in her voice as she told me of her first hand experience with being on the other side of the joking. My heart broke as my mind starting thinking about how many people I might have hurt in the past with my words and not even known about it. People will even laugh with you as you hurt their feelings, and so you don’t ever even know you did.
Ok, so how about this thing where we say to them, “I was just kidding”, does that help? The sermon I listened to, said that saying that is like pouring fuel on a fire. It also said that we can’t demand forgiveness, that it has to be given willingly to us. That may take time. I look at it like this. If you spray someone with a water hose that didn’t want to get wet, chances are they won’t be willing to forgive you till they are dry. And it’s how badly you sprayed them that determines how long it takes for them to dry off. In the mean time you have a choice. You can accuse them of having no sense of humor, or being “thin skinned”, or you can seek God’s guidance. Seeking guidance from God in a crisis is always a good idea. It really helped me in this situation. (Read James 3:1-12)
When I think about the way the sermon message title just popped up first thing like it did, it makes me laugh and shake my head. God’s way of doing things can be funny sometimes….no kidding!
By Glen Bryant
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