I am very hard on myself, sometimes I deserve it and sometimes I don't, but I tend to beat myself up over stupid mistakes and when I feel like I don't meet standards I have set for myself. Last night at Elevate was a perfect example, to be honest I felt very scatter-brained and all over the place (even more than my usual ADD self.) After finishing I truly had this thought: I just wasted 25 minutes of these peoples life, thank God that John and the band lead people in an amazing worship set to clean up my mess. So after feeling bad about myself and drowning my sorrows in a bowl of dibs (ice cream you can eat with your fingers- how awesome is that?) I checked my email, and to my surprise I got several emails from people who said that God had spoken to their heart through the message and they were very encouraged- it was exactly what they needed to hear. Talk about being humbled!
After going through this battle, I wish I could force my heart to understand something, I have no power on my own to make a difference in people's lives. It is only through God's strength that anyone can leave a mark for His Glory in this life on anyone. I still have a responsibility to study and grow and seek to give the people God has put in my life the best I can, but that can only come through his power, not my own.
That takes a lot of pressure of the outcome off my shoulders when it comes to results, my Job is to get as close to God as I possibly can and simply listen and allow him to to touch others.
We truly serve an amazing God who uses broken people to be a part of what He is doing!
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